Aw, heck, I think these are pretty cool. Sample:
Iowa: The "Holy God This Is Boring" State
Minnesota: The People Who Laugh At Garrison Keillor
Nevada: Hookers and Craps -- American Paradise
Ohio: Mayo Goes On Everything
Vermont: Birthplace of the Insufferable Hippie
Washington: Not The Cool Washington, The Other One
Washington, D.C.: Try The Crack
Wyoming: I Live In Wyoming. Please Kill Me.
Florida's was kind of dull, though. I'd have said something like "Florida: Now Get Out!" since that is the sentiment of most of the people who are already here, including the people who just moved here yesterday.
Posted by Andrea Harris at June 10, 2003 12:15 AMVermont made laugh so hard, I choked on my Diet Coke.
Posted by: kelley at June 10, 2003 at 01:27 AMWashington: Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, It Does Rain All The Goddamn Time!
Posted by: David Crawford at June 10, 2003 at 03:41 AMGeorgia: We can't even agree on the gol-dang flag, and now you want us to come up with a motto!!??
Posted by: McGehee at June 10, 2003 at 08:57 AMI nosed around their site, and they actually had a better Florida slogan than the "whippersnapper" one. I'm surprised they didn't use it: "Hey Spain, want it back?"
Posted by: Ken Summers at June 10, 2003 at 10:06 AMAlabama - Plaintiff's Paradise
Alaska - Like Your Mother: Cold and Distant
Arizona - Visit Our California Refugee Camps
Arkansas - The Whole Incest Thing Is Really Blown Out of Proportion
California - At One Time, Supposedly Liveable
Colorado - Dude, We Are SO High
Connecticut - Proof That Old Money Inbred
Delaware - An Actual State, Believe It Or Not
Florida - There's a Reason We're Shaped Like a Penis
Georgia - The New South, With Japanese Pickups
Hawaii - Bwa Ha Ha! You Actually Made Us a State
Idaho - Tinfoil Capital of ZOGland
Illinois - New York Charm, Midwest Sophistication
Indiana - Letterman's Whitebread Soul Bruthas
Iowa - Gateway To Several Non-Iowa States
Kansas - The Fascinating Meat In a Nebraska-Oklahoma Sandwich
Kentucky - Spec-Tucky-Tacular!
Lousiana - Show Us Your Tits, Get Free Beads
Maine - Dismal Rocky Coasts, Dismal Rocky Skulls
Maryland - Where Goverment Worker Drones Barbecue
Massachusetts - Irishmen Too Drunk and Stupid to Move West
Michigan - Visit the Scenic Ruins of Detroit
Minnesota - Land of 10,000 Polaris Dealerships
Mississippi - 2,106 Days Without a Lynching
Missouri - We Gave The World Branson
Montana - You Probably Wouldn't Want To See What We Have Stored Out In The Shed
Nebraska - Almost As Thrilling As It Sounds
Nevada - Get Your Shots First
New Hampshire - You Don't Have To Be Southern To Be a Frightening Hillbilly
New Jersey - Catch Piscopo Fever!
New Mexico - Pretty Much Like the Old One
New York - Arrogant and Obnoxious, and Only God Knows Why
North Carolina - Birthplace of Naval Base Prostitution
North Dakota - Thanks For Your Pity
Ohio - Shoddily Made Buckle of The Rust Belt
Oklahoma - Even Texas Has To Make Fun of Somebody
Oregon - Deprogrammers Welcome
Pennsylvania - Come For The Gritty Slums, Stay For The Abandoned Steel Mills
Rhode Island - Triple A Minor For The Kennedys
South Carolina - Admit It, You Wish Lincoln Let Us Secede
South Dakota - Mecca for Fat Unattractive Old People on Harleys
Tennessee - Hooray For Dollywood
Texas - 95% More Texasness Than The Next Leading State
Utah - Into Weird Religions Way Before It Was Hip
Vermont - Hippies Too Stupid To Move To Oregon
Virginia - Birthplace of the Slave-Ownin' Presidents
Washington - Come See Why Cobain Committed Suicide
West Virginia - Where Your Federal Tax Money Goes To Die
Wisconsin - Beer, Cheese & Bratwurst - Bring a Can of Lysol
Wyoming - Not Much, And Lots Of It
Actually said by the Governor of North Dakota:
Fourty Below Keeps the Riff-Raff Out.
Posted by: David Crawford at June 10, 2003 at 02:07 PMJust to clarify...A lot of us here in Minnesota DO laugh at Garrison Keillor. We'd spit at him if we could, but we'll settle for laughing.
Posted by: Cathy at June 10, 2003 at 03:52 PMI thought Montana was "Where men are men and the sheep are nervous."
Washington state has also been known to use: "The state to the left of Idaho. But then, what isn't?"
Posted by: Michael Lonie at June 10, 2003 at 09:48 PMI thought Montanas was:
"Hey, At Least Our Cows Are Sane"
Posted by: David Crawford at June 10, 2003 at 11:19 PMMississippi: Because Alabama needs somebody to make fun of.
Posted by: McGehee at June 11, 2003 at 07:35 AMMcGehee, and in that vein:
Arkansas: Thank God For Mississippi.
Posted by: David Crawford at June 11, 2003 at 12:46 PM"Hawaii - Bwa Ha Ha! You Actually Made Us a State"
More like "Argh! We Don't Wanna Be a State." Many people here yearn to be "liberated" from the US.
"Haole Go Home" in the original article was spot-on, except that it would've been better in Pijin (the native language of most people here). Then again, the "liberation" aktivists (sic) need to yell at the "enemy" in a language they can understand.
Posted by: Amritas at June 12, 2003 at 12:19 AM