Volare

This pilot is my new hero:

A drunken passenger on a holiday flight from England to Spain was dropped at a tiny island off the African coast after he swore at the cabin crew, a newspaper reported Friday. The plane’s captain decided to leave the man at Porto Santo, a volcanic outcrop in the Atlantic, after he became abusive when he was refused more alcohol, the Daily Mail said.

I have some more suggestions for possible passenger types to be abandoned on small, unpopulated rocks surrounded by miles of open water: the type known as “yuppie parents with small, screaming child that they refuse to discipline, and in fact glare at the stewardess when she tells them they have to collect their toddler, who is running up and down the aisle, and strap her down for landing,” the aisle-side seatmate who becomes a rigid corpse upon takeoff and thus does not respond — at all, with so much as a twitch of an eyelid — when you ask him or her to move a little so you can get out of your window seat and go to the bathroom, the seatmate who tries to read your book/computer/magazine/whatever over your shoulder and thus gives you a whiff of his intense garlic breath, the seatmate who tries to pick you up with intentions of joining the “mile high club” (even though he is over fifty, has a hideous combover, is wearing cologne that is causing the paint on the inside of the plane to peel off the walls, and has the physique of a beanbag chair that has lost half its beans), the seatmate who hogs your chair arm, the fat passenger who was too cheap to buy one of the bigger seats in first class but instead prefers to sit in coach and thus overflow into her seatmates’ chairs, the passenger whose jaw is on automatic so that during a three-plus-hour flight there is no moment free of the sound of inane chatter, and the child who thinks its funny to peer over the back of your seat and diddle with your hair and then “hide” when you turn around. Drop them all on islands preferably surrounded by shark-infested water and leave them there.

(Via With Cheese.)

5 Responses to “Volare”

  1. rhhardin Says:

    There’s airlines, chiefly ones transporting engineers on and off desert rocks in the ocean, that board families first, so that children contaminate the entire airplane for the next 12 hours instead of being restricted to the adjustable cargo hold up front.

    Probably they no longer allow raising the cabin altitude to quiet the children by cutting off their oxygen.

  2. aelfheld Says:

    Why bother with the island?

  3. Carbonel Says:

    …yuppie parents with small, screaming child that they refuse to discipline

    Heh.

    I’m not a yuppie, I do discipline the Mighty Mite (my motto: “swift and inexorable”) but I can tell you right now, that disciplining a toddler ain’t gonna make the screaming stop. Far from it.

  4. andrea Says:

    that they refuse to disciplineā€

    Obviously, then, I’m not talking about you.

  5. Sloan Says:

    The cargo hold under the plane, where they put all the suitcases and stuff…is that pressurized? And is it temperature-controlled?

    Because there’s probably a lot of wasted space down there, I’m guessing. Space that could be put to, uhh, good use.