Can we bring back the public stocks? Seriously, can we? I mean, we can make it into a reality tv show (there, Hollywood’s on it like a shot, The Making of special on the Travel Channel showing the factory where the manufactured Lyptus™ wood stocks are cut and shaped and polished is already in the works). Because there are people in this country in serious need of some real public humiliation, involving being held immobile in an uncomfortable position, not in a discreet prison far away like Abu Ghraib, but in public — in, say, Times Square, while rotten cabbages are thrown at them.
Chief on the list is Raggedy Mom Doll Cindy Sheehan, who is currently occupying Camp Pathetic Wastes of Human Flesh outside of the President’s ranch in Crawford, Texas. One thing this proves is that Texans are sadly a whole lot more liberal and tolerant than they are always being accused of by the shitforbrains left: if they were actually as bigotted and short-tempered as they are always accused of being, there would be nothing left of Cindy Sheehan but a grease spot in the Texas dust.
Another thing this proves is that apple pie might just be the last goddamn pristine thing left of the American collective character. Sheehan belongs in a list of those mothers who have caused the mantle of motherhood to be tossed into the trash compactor, along with Mothers Who Left Their Unfulfilling Marriages to Find Their Real Whorish Selves and Lesbian Moms Who Named Their In-Vitro Sons “Claudette” In Order To Break Down Gender Stereotypes. No — she’s worse; I’ll bet you that even most trendy lesbomoms of boys-in-barrettes would balk at climbing into the regard of the life-hating left over the corpses of their sons. Then again, I could be wrong, this being the Age of Utter Gall. But at the very least bitches like this Sheehan witch should be shunned, with no pauses at “Aw, she’s crying” corner either.