November 09, 2003

Back away slowly

(Via here.) "Remain Calm" is the name of this blog, and it is probably something the fruitloop who writes it gets told often. Especially in those moments between doses. And can someone tell me what the hell his intro header means?

I use the term Republican as President James Madison defines it in Federalist #39.
I am an Aristocratic-Republican, a la Charles de Secondat.
President Jefferson consciously named his party Democratic-Republican after Montesquieu.
I reject that.
And the Republicans are Fascists.

Actually -- never mind, I don't want to know.

More weirdnesses: he calls people "Sieur." The hell?

Conclusion: a slightly more coherent Puce. In fact, I wonder if this is Puce's smarter brother.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 06:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 01, 2003

The Angel in the House and Senate

Yehudit, in the comments to this post on Michael Totten's blog, offered this hen and capon party as an example of "the arrogance and elitism of the Left in all its glory." I think it shows something even worse: buried in a pomo kaffeeklatch littered with litcrit terms like "framing" is the fact that these people have chosen, as the most apt "metaphor" with which to "frame" the discussion of how to deal with the current president and his administration, a spearchucking cavemale vs. civilizing mother-woman motif straight out of the turn of the century. Last century, that is.

Postscript: for some reason, I don't think the above-linked blogger or her admirers would see themselves in this little web essay I found, even though it displays the very same attitude permeating the formers' discussion. Also, I don't necessarily find everything to do with the idea of "woman the civilizer" wrong; but that is a discussion for another day.

Update: Angie Schultz comments. Actually, I had noticed what Jeanne and her sycophants commenters were revealing about the Left; I just figured everyone knew this already, and I was too disgusted to comment on that aspect of the discussion. I just thought it was hilarious that these people came up with stereotypes about men and women right out of the White Male Conservative Oppressor's handbook. Not to mention all the other fin-de-siècle chestnuts they earnestly presented as Brand New Ideas.

More: oh lord, everything old is new again -- get a load of what commenter "aimai" has to say:

But America is famously a "country without ghosts" as the Chinese described this land without ancestors and ancestral memories. WE have, on the whole, nothing deeper than a brief two generation nuclear family: no long term union loyalties, no clans, no territorial loyalties.

Oh yeah? Who's this "we," white girl? My family has been in this country since the sixteen hundreds. (My grandfather even traced the family through the maternal line, which should please these gynecocrats.) And that was just my father's side of the family; my mother's family is old Tennessee stock; she was part Cherokee. These high-arsed academic wannabes can go pound sand.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 10:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

October 30, 2003

Better buy fresh carnations, guys

The Albright female is ready to start dating again. And she's a fashion critic too!

(Via Charles Austin.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 09:03 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

October 25, 2003

The Revolution will take all major credits cards

Every picture tells a story. One told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 10:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 29, 2003

An oldie but a goodie

Could all the trolls that have been infecting blogs since 9/11/01 be this person? Who knows. Stranger things have happened.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 06:15 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

September 22, 2003

I don't like spiders or snakes

One wants to wash after reading a Mark Morford column. I have already remarked upon the silliness of Revolve, a repackaging of the Bible as a teen fashion magazine. Morford somehow got hold of a copy, and went into his predictable sweaty froth:

"Revolve" devolves the teen cause. Not a word about how individuality is cool and self-exploration is way bitchin' and that they themselves are divine, are all-powerful, and that sex is a gorgeous powerful wondrous sticky joy to be respected and enjoyed and explored and consented upon and well learned. Heaven forefend. That way debauchery and hellfire lies.

There's more, bizarre assertions that the Christians behind the book want to turn its female readers into "well-Valiumed housewives" (yep, it's right there in the NT: "And let the little children come unto me, that I may administer them their sedatives..."), references to "convoluted, slithery" things, and so on. Like Eye On The Left says, creepy.

(PS: anyone get the title reference? You probably won't, unless you're my age.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 06:09 AM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

September 10, 2003

Smile and the whole world coughs up its collective skull

I'm sure they truly feel this way, I merely want to throw up:

September 12 can be our ongoing reminder of those positive emotions, a way to remember and repeat that surge of warmth and togetherness.

This year we're launching a simple experiment to create a cascade of positive emotions on the 12th: Let's each commit to making ten people smile on that day.

Michele isn't interested either.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 08:03 PM | Comments (20) | TrackBack

September 08, 2003

Does not compute

Concerning the use of a piece of steel from the World Trade Center in a new boat the Navy is building, aldahlia says:

I'm glad that the steel is being put to use, but on the other hand... isn't that kind of tacky?

I mean... here you are on a boat made out of steel that fell down on top of and tragically killed many, many people. It's obviously not the luckiest steel on earth.

I don't think that I'd want to be on that boat. It'd be kind of like bringing up the Titanic and making a bunker out of it.... it's just.. morbid.

Plus, I mean... here's steel that was used to kill people, being used on a boat that will be used to kill people. It'll be the roving death boat.

And, what happens if the thing sinks or dissappears into the Bermuda triangle? Aren't they taking a risk with that?

If I still thought there was any possibility that I could communicate with aldahlia I'd ask her just what the hell she was talking about. Am I to believe that a comparison can seriously be made between the sinking of the Titanic, which was wholly the result of human error, and the deliberate destruction of the World Trade Center by religious fanatics? And what is this strange superstition that a piece of steel, inorporated into the body of the ship, will somehow make it an "unlucky" boat because... because... Help me out here. And... "tacky"? This whole post -- it's just sad.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 11:57 PM | Comments (29) | TrackBack

September 02, 2003

How to hijack someone's comments

Castro-admirer Leesa, in this post on September 11th, provides an object lesson.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 07:29 AM | Comments (19) | TrackBack

The New Manners

In this post I asked, considering a certain fuss over maiden-in-distress:

But I wonder -- would there be a similar linking of arms and presenting of shields for a single mother-to-be who was a not-particularly-attractive or intelligent person of no importance who was unknown to any of these doughty males?

Here is the latest comment, from brave knight Ray James:

i dunno, andrea. maybe if you could get yourself laid, we'd find out.

It's always a great boost to the ego to get compliments from around the world. I am sure that Ray's way with words has females flocking to his door; I know my aged heart fluttered just a little bit. Enjoy your new friends, MADAME SESE-SEKO and all her cousins, and that nice "Vickie" who has so much Viagra she is willing to let go at EIGHTY! PERCENT! OFF! Something tells me Ray needs her services.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 06:00 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 23, 2003

Happiness in slavery

You have got to read jaw-droppingly adulatory paean to Cuba, the "thriving, happy haven." No really -- you have to; I can't even do justice to the brain-damaged prose of "Juanita Rodriguez." I'll just quote:

I recently returned from celebrating the 50th anniversary of the July 26, 1953 Cuban revolution at the Moncada in Santiago de Cuba. This was a holiday that began on the eve of the 25th. Neighbors blocked off streets and welcomed musicians, poets and dancers. Huge pots of a community stew brewed over open flames, and people danced and awaited the midnight hour, when everyone stopped and respectfully sang the national anthem.

There is unmistakable pride and dignity shared by these people, who have suffered through an illegal trade blockade by the United States for the past 44 years, yet who still stand strong in defense of their rights and sovereignty.

Cuba has no homelessness, drug abuse, alcoholism, graffiti or littering! The people are healthy looking, bright, zesty and full of life and laughter. There is music and dancing everywhere, at all hours. Every neighborhood has a family doctor living — as well as practicing — locally.

Wow, guess Castro showed up that silly old God person -- he's created a paradise right here on earth! Those mean old Americans are just jealous, them and their "illegal" blockade. I just wonder why there is no mention of Cuba's popular version of the Big Brother program, which allows wealthy foreigners to sponsor and mentor adolescent girls. You can even see the happy couples on their nightly strolls up and down Varadero Beach. (For the health of the girls, of course -- everyone is well-exercised in the People's Paradise!)

Via Charles Austin.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 10:46 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

August 22, 2003

Why I want a comments registration system

To stave off crap like this. I'm sick of garbage like this on blogs I run, taking up valuable server space, and (often) enticing other commenters to start pointless arguments with assheads who like as not should be chained to their beds with thorazine drips in their arms.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 07:30 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

August 10, 2003

Naked old people

I guess they really don't have anything else to fix in that country (I almost typed "down under"):

Australia’s leading relationship counselling body is urging lonely older single women to become lesbians.

"Whyyyyy???" I can hear the last two or three sensible people in the universe moan, as they reach for the extra-strength Tylenol. Well, according to the august wisdom of the Aussie Posse, it's because:

Relationships Australia spokesman Jack Carney said men's shorter life spans, and their pursuit of much younger women, meant women in their twilight years were often forced to turn to other women for love and companionship.

Which do not necessarily have to include muff-diving, but anyway. And what a blatant display of the undermining efforts of the Helpists we have here: God forbid women be allowed to have even one second alone, or assurance and self-discipline be encouraged in "lonely older single women" instead of clingy codependance. That would dry up the government-groups-no-one-needs cash cow.

(Via Tim Blair, who is going to get all sorts of interesting traffic from the title of his post on this.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 12:29 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

August 09, 2003

Thou shalt not do one damn thing, just sit there okay?

Frequent commenter to the Tim Blair website "Gabor" has raised quite a stink here over the pending death-by-firing-squad of one of the Bali terrorists. Oh, excuse me -- the pending murder of the Bali terrorists. See, killing is wrong at all times, in all circumstances -- that is basically Gabor's argument. I assume Gabor lives on a diet of salt and filtered water.

By the way, the best refuting argument comes from E. Nough, whose unfrequently updated blog also deserves to be read. (Note to self: implement comment permalinking on Tim's blog.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 07:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 26, 2003


Okay, test entry

Posted by Andrea Harris at 11:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 25, 2003

It's all part of the Plan

Tim Blair has stalkers. No, really -- there are actually people who set up websites solely to "debunk" (or something) a personal blog. Hilarious.

And here is another Blair obsessive; perhaps the same person who runs the other blogs, it's so hard to tell. This one does occasionally post on other issues -- such as an approving survey of the conservatives-are-crazy report. Ah, nothing like dipping one's toes into the waters of Bizarro World.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 10:44 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 21, 2003

Sir, your drool bucket is full

Peter Salomon has come upon the latest incoherent, frothing-at-the-mouth rant from the Arab News, this time supposedly written by a "former high school teacher" named Mark Glenn. All you need to know about the content of the "editorial" is "Monica Lewinsky, Israeli agent."

(Via Daily Pundit.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 12:13 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 10, 2003

The Purple and the Red

You know, when I am an old woman I am going to do whatever I goddamn well please, just the same as I have always done.

(Via Velociworld.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 11:09 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

June 22, 2003

Bored now

Wow, ain't love grand? I just got a lovely email from "Mork," whose real name seems to be Graham Howlett. (Anyone know this guy?) Anyway, here's the email (I've, um, cleaned it up a little -- this may not be a family blog, but you know, some things should be kept between two people):

Yeah, Andrea, like a typical internet bully, I can dish it out, but I've got a glass jaw.

So, "insulting" is the criterion? I rarely post a word that is not. It's just that yours are more effective than mine as is demonstrated by the fact that I had evidently proved that I wasn't prepared to take you on in a fair exchange.

As for "obscenity-filled", I'd love to explain to you why what I wrote is much more offensive than your "Go back to alt.binaries.masturbating.dwarfs and find someone who cares" comment (which really turned me on by the way -- but that newsgroup seems to have closed down. Sigh). It's just that I am too stupid to figure it out! It's not just how my calling you a crackwhore displayed how played-out my intellect was; I used the term because I haven't been able to afford my weekly spanking. Is it fair that dominatrixes charge such high prices?

I started this with my childish insults, and I escalated it at every turn. I am perfectly capable of making my points without personal insults, but if I don't take my medication, I can't stop typing stupid things. So, I do this to get off, but I know that if I keep coming after you, you'll keep making me look like a fool. But I-- I can't help it! It turns me on! It's the only thing that works! Have a heart -- help a five-hundred-pound internet junkie who hasn't seen his own penis in five years!

I love you.


What would Mork -- I mean, Mr. Howlett, do without people like me? Have a life, I guess. Oh well, whenever I hear Accept's "Balls to the Wall" playing on the radio I'll think of him.

(More fun Morkiage here and here.)

Update, kiddies! -- he replied! Once again I decided to, er, make his missive "safe" for public viewing:

Hey, keep serving it up to my glass-jaw. I'm prepeared (sic) to keep publicizing how lame I am by adopting such spineless tactics - and then doing such an unfunny job of it - and I'm delighted you keep giving me the opportunity!

And, yeah, I am dumb enough to send you email. For that matter, I am so stupid that I sent you this second email.

So there you have it: me completely stupid and having no life, and you out there being just so wonderful in every way.

What's not to like?

Best regards,

P.S. - perhaps some remedial reading tuition would be in order - it's been a long time since I was SLAPPED like a crack whore. If only I could meet you in person, so you could slap me over and over and make me your bitch!

Alas! I am not into such practices, though I have heard it's a great way to give one's biceps a workout. But I have the feeling that Mr. G. will be able to find someone to fulfill his needs.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 11:58 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

June 19, 2003

It's a planetoid!

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I have found it -- the Biggest Ego on the Internet. He is one of Tim Blair's blog-flies, a fellow (well -- a being, anyway) who calls himself "Mork." The comments that won him his title can be found in this post. Scroll, my children, and you shall come upon these pronouncements:

As for "it's only Tim's opinion". No shit. And I've given mine. And mine's more rational, principled and consistent than Tim's. So there you go.

Man, the most disturbing thing about political bulletin boards and comment pages like this is that you realize how few people are able/inclined to think for themselves, rather than parroting whatever they hear from their current gurus.


Mork is more rational and principled than Tim because he manages to stick to the principles he requires of others.

Respect, people. "Mork" must have a gonads of steel to type that with a straight face.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 01:49 AM | Comments (22) | TrackBack

May 11, 2003

Anti-gun, man

Actually, if I were planning on going on a killing spree, I certainly would be against gun violence -- against myself, anyway. After all, getting shot in self-defense would certainly put a crimp in my plans to shoot a bunch of other people. (Via The Volokh Conspiracy, via Instapundit.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 04:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 07, 2003

Who eats dead vultures?

Obviously, we made a huge mistake in not letting this war in Iraq drag on and on while the bodies piled up. Why? Because we left little or nothing for carrion birds to eat. And that is why, I think, so many carrion birds of the left have been trolling the blogs; there is no smelly corpse to feast upon, so they are forced to attempt to get nourishment from healthy beasts well able to defend themselves. Case in point: a conspiracy-obsessed troll who calls himself "Barney Gumble" has graced my blog with his presence, after attacking, and being easily driven from, the comments pages of Sgt. Stryker, Denny Wilson, and Bill Quick's blogs. This is the sort of person whose favorite type of comeback to someone who has proven one of his dumb comments wrong, is to say "Ha ha! You so did not beat me! I win because I say I win! You can't handle me!" And so on. I have met five year olds with more control over a situation than Mr. "Gumble."

His comment in my post was, I guess, supposed to send me into a frothing rage that he could enjoy in a way that is no doubt keeping the manufacturers of keyboard-protectors, Windex, and Kleenex profitable. I am sorry to inform him that he has failed: I regard the sad spectacle of someone who says "[...] you better ban me now, because I believe that Bill Clinton was a good man and a good President" more with amusement than anything. That's nice, Barney. You go ahead and admire anyone you want. Momma will be down later with some cookies and milk for her boy.

I am not going to bother banning you for such a pitifully innocuous comment. I'll just see if you are man enough to keep your own word:

Barney Gumble, go away.
Barney Gumble, go away.
Barney Gumble, go away.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 11:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 04, 2003

Really non-PC title deleted

Hahahahahaha.... "nucrear capability." Hahahahaha. It's in the transcript folks. (Post of 7:43pm May 3rd -- hey, wait -- I thought Wog Blog was in Australia -- shouldn't that be May 4th there already? Oh well, maybe the Wog Blogger didn't set his blog dates to Oz time.

(Psst: wanna see what I was gonna call this post? Click below:)

I was gonna call it "Freaks and Gooks." But that would have been so wrong, even for me.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 02:13 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

April 21, 2003

Exciting discovery

I've found Puce's guru! Now that we know his faith, maybe we can decipher his strange communiqués. Or maybe not.

(Via Dave Barry, somewhere on his Blogspot blog. What Mr. Dave "Celebrity" Barry needs is a Movable Type blog. Then again, I like having something nicer than a celebrity has. Forget I said anything.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 05:02 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 20, 2003

I think I know where Puce gets his material

Experiment: take this Mark Morford column, and run a phrase or two from it -- pick one at random, it doesn't matter -- through Google's translator. Try English-to-German then back to English.

I picked this:

Who's your daddy, beeyatch? Thump thump thump on the manly chest of great liberator America! Liberals suck! Go, war! It's Miller Time.

First to German:

Wer ist Ihr Vati, beeyatch? Thump Thumpthump auf dem manly Kasten des großen Befreiers Amerika! Liberale saugen! Gehen Sie, war! Es Ist MillercZeit.

And got this:

Who is your dad, beeyatch? Thump Thumpthump on manly the box of the large Befreiers America! Liberals suck! If you go, was! It is Miller time.

See how it now makes more sense? Puce just lifts Morford's sentences right from his column verbatim. For shame!

Posted by Andrea Harris at 01:56 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

April 19, 2003

Pucism of the day

Rumpseld small Lord Ring caracter, talk US killbaby soldier, lies lies. Wepon find? OOOOP!!! CLICK


Posted by Andrea Harris at 10:59 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

April 17, 2003

Seeds of Our Demise, Pt. 568

Rodney King is the world's luckiest congenital fuck-up. That's all I can say.

(Via Acidman.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 02:51 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 14, 2003

Cake or death to Saddam!

Wow, the White House has Eddie Izzard doing press releases now. And they say this administration is unfriendly to the alternative crowd!

Posted by Andrea Harris at 04:38 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 04, 2003

Wartime, uncut

Kevin is currently in Umm Qasar. He found a newsman's camera. It had that handy "picture preview" mode.

Oh -- you read the rest.

Posted by Andrea Harris at 12:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 30, 2003

I get mail

I get the most bizarre people emailing me. Someone calling themselves "Nia Caine" emails this:


Your post on a movie site offended me. When you said that you were going to shoot your self because Tom Cruise was starring in the Last Samurai. What's so bad about him anyway??

Jesus H. Christ, that post is from December. Will you people get a life already? And as far as I know, no, there is nothing "wrong" with Tom Cruise -- I used something called "hyperbole" to express my displeasure at the idea of Tom Cruise playing a samurai, though as I understand it he'll be playing a Westerner who gets into the samurai thing as a plot point -- I'm sure he'll be fine in yet another Hollywood potboiler featuring his fine, white teeth. (I probably lost her at "hyperbole" -- damn teenagers.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at 09:11 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack