It's been a while. Yes, I'm getting really antsy waiting for December. Anyway, here's a diversion: Never Bored of the Ring. Here are some samples from the Chick's Middle-Earth Dating Guide:
Dwarves:If you are vertically challenged or very self-confident, then this is the Middle Earth Species for you.
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Orcs:At heart, aren’t most males really just fighting the urges of their inner Uruk-Hai?
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Elves:Lust, lust, lust, you tarty thing YOU.
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Hobbits:They are always up for a party, love a good time and do well in pubs…its rather like fraternity boys all over again, isn’t it?
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Then there is the The Tolkien Traveler’s Guide to Middle Earth (on the other side of the same page):
Location: The Shire[...]You are more in danger of bumping your head after falling off a pub table during an extended night of drinking at a local tavern than anything else in The Shire. [...]Be sure and bring hangover remedies with you.
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Location: RivendellFast Facts: Often thought to be the Ancient Aspen of Middle Earth, Rivendell is at once, old and mystic, modern and on the move.
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Location: MordorAttractions: Well, the price is certainly right. Another plus: You will have absolutely no problems getting a reservation. Truly. Locals are ready to take your call as we speak (1-888-MORDORSUCKS).
Shopping: No.
Climate: For those of you looking to soak up some rays, Mordor is the tanning Mecca of Middle Earth. Just be sure and pack plenty of sunscreen.
(Via the Onering.net.)
Posted by Andrea Harris at June 23, 2003 01:22 AM