Too Much To Dream

Bored now

Wow, ain't love grand? I just got a lovely email from "Mork," whose real name seems to be Graham Howlett. (Anyone know this guy?) Anyway, here's the email (I've, um, cleaned it up a little -- this may not be a family blog, but you know, some things should be kept between two people):

Yeah, Andrea, like a typical internet bully, I can dish it out, but I've got a glass jaw.

So, "insulting" is the criterion? I rarely post a word that is not. It's just that yours are more effective than mine as is demonstrated by the fact that I had evidently proved that I wasn't prepared to take you on in a fair exchange.

As for "obscenity-filled", I'd love to explain to you why what I wrote is much more offensive than your "Go back to alt.binaries.masturbating.dwarfs and find someone who cares" comment (which really turned me on by the way -- but that newsgroup seems to have closed down. Sigh). It's just that I am too stupid to figure it out! It's not just how my calling you a crackwhore displayed how played-out my intellect was; I used the term because I haven't been able to afford my weekly spanking. Is it fair that dominatrixes charge such high prices?

I started this with my childish insults, and I escalated it at every turn. I am perfectly capable of making my points without personal insults, but if I don't take my medication, I can't stop typing stupid things. So, I do this to get off, but I know that if I keep coming after you, you'll keep making me look like a fool. But I-- I can't help it! It turns me on! It's the only thing that works! Have a heart -- help a five-hundred-pound internet junkie who hasn't seen his own penis in five years!

I love you.

"Mork"

What would Mork -- I mean, Mr. Howlett, do without people like me? Have a life, I guess. Oh well, whenever I hear Accept's "Balls to the Wall" playing on the radio I'll think of him.

(More fun Morkiage here and here.)

Update, kiddies! -- he replied! Once again I decided to, er, make his missive "safe" for public viewing:

Hey, keep serving it up to my glass-jaw. I'm prepeared (sic) to keep publicizing how lame I am by adopting such spineless tactics - and then doing such an unfunny job of it - and I'm delighted you keep giving me the opportunity!

And, yeah, I am dumb enough to send you email. For that matter, I am so stupid that I sent you this second email.

So there you have it: me completely stupid and having no life, and you out there being just so wonderful in every way.

What's not to like?

Best regards,
"Mork"

P.S. - perhaps some remedial reading tuition would be in order - it's been a long time since I was SLAPPED like a crack whore. If only I could meet you in person, so you could slap me over and over and make me your bitch!

Alas! I am not into such practices, though I have heard it's a great way to give one's biceps a workout. But I have the feeling that Mr. G. will be able to find someone to fulfill his needs.

Posted by Andrea Harris at June 22, 2003 11:58 PM