Playing around with my templates calms me down. Hope you like the new art.
By the way, I drive an invisible car. All this time I thought I was driving an ordinary, gold-colored 2001 Toyota Echo. I had no idea my little bank account emptier had this amazing cloaking device that renders it invisible to all the assholes and pinheads that are allowed behind the wheel here in Floridor. It's especially invisible to people in BMWs who are in a hurry to get to their hair appointments, and to young toughs in muscle trucks (the pickup beds of which never feel the touch of anything harsher than the edge of a surfboard). And then we come to the tourists from up north in their land-yachts, who come from states that apparently have no flat spaces, so that their amazement at the Florida vistas on all sides causes them to careen madly from lane to lane.
Listen, I grew up in Miami, where it's like NASCAR all year. I've driven in Los Angeles, for chrissakes. In Miami we knew what we were doing when we ran someone off the road, and in LA I actually observed people using their turn signals and obeying traffic lights. Here it's like they think it's all Disney, and the pretty sparkly lights that blink on and off are just for show. And don't even get me started on the foreign visitors, who come from countries where all the laws are "ha ha" laws, as in, if you have money, you can say "ha ha" to the laws. I don't really feel like being the introductory lesson to our traffic court system for some fellow from Paraguay.
Posted by Andrea Harris at April 16, 2003 12:19 AMEven 4wd F150s in fire-truck red are invisible to Beemer owners. I think the hair-gel gets in their eyes, or they're blinded by the sunlight glinting off all the gold they wear. At least I'm big enough to win and stupid enough not to care when we have to joust. Sometimes I aim a lit cigarette at their sunroof if I have the time and inclination.
Posted by: Scott Chaffin at April 16, 2003 at 08:02 AMNice. Calming. Soothing.
Good way to lure 'em in, before you trip 'em and stomp on their necks.
Posted by: *** Dave at April 16, 2003 at 08:33 AMSorry about your traffic issues, Andrea. If it makes you feel any better, people up here in Indiana are in general just rude drivers.
In addition - someone backed into my parked car this past weekend. While I was in it. It just left a couple of little scratches, but still...not only is the car pretty new, but it was at night, the guy drove off, and I was so angry and dumbfounded that I didn't even get his plate number. Grr.
At least you and your car are ok:)
Posted by: Demosthenes at April 16, 2003 at 10:55 AMYou could try what I'm going to do to my Hyundai Accent. (Stop laughing, dammit!) I'm going to get an air compressor and storage tank for the trunk, and a nice little air horn (about 125 db) to express my displeasure next time some asshole crowds me.
You may be invisible, but nothing says you have to be silent.
Posted by: Eichra Oren at April 16, 2003 at 12:30 PMI dunno about that; everyone I've ever seen driving a 2002 (model, not year) has been very well aware of other cars around them.
After all, who wants to wreck their 2002?
Posted by: Sigivald at April 16, 2003 at 01:40 PMSo far about 85% of the cars that have tried to move into my line while I was occupying it, or otherwise gave evidence that they can't frikkin' see me, have been driving shiny new late-model cars. Either there are a lot of people here with disposable income who can afford to trash a brand-new Ford F250 Extended Cab model truck every month or so, or people here are idiots. I subscribe to the second theory.
Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 16, 2003 at 02:36 PMQuit whining and trade that underpowered little roller skate rice-box in for a real car.
I'm tired of scraping jap junk off my tires.
Posted by: Bad Bowtie at April 16, 2003 at 02:41 PMI forgot to mention: along with the cloaking device, my "little roller skate rice-box" packs a set of photon torpedoes. I just found out. Those Japanese, so clever. (PS: my next car is going to look something like this. So you won't be able to hit me with your big steel box, because you won't be able to catch me, big boy.)
Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 16, 2003 at 03:22 PM