February 20, 2003

Fear Factory

Matt at Overtaken by Events takes on this fearmongering article in the New York Times.

The topic is, of course, our terrified country. The problem is, the country isn't, as Matt points out, particularly terrified. I myself have noticed a disturbing lack of fear and/or nervousness in my locale, even though I live near Disney World, which some think is favorite terrorist target. What can be done to avert this crisis? I know: keep telling everyone how afraid they are! These journalists or whatever they are don't seem to have actually talked to any people other than their close associates. If they had, I can only imagine the dialogue going something like this:

"You're afraid, aren't you?" "Um... no. Should I be?" "Come on, you can tell me! Share your fears." "Well, I was afraid that I forgot to set the vcr for last night's Buffy episode..." "No no, about terrorist attacks." "Terrorists? Bring it on, motherfuckers! I've got a .45 just waiting to be tried out on some raghead--" "No! You're supposed to be afraid!" "Why?"

The headline is "The Worst Defense," but it should really be "Aaagghhh! Mommy!" There's nothing so pathetic as the sight of a terrified newspaper reporter. Also nothing so hilarious.

Update: if I see anything that looks like Al Qaeda riding snowmobiles, I'm not calling Tom Ridge, I'm calling the doctor.

Posted by Andrea Harris at February 20, 2003 01:45 AM

Wow, Thanks!

Are you going to be my celebrity blogger or not?!?!? :)
P.S. Thanks for leaving out all of the swear words.

Posted by: Matt at February 20, 2003 at 02:03 AM

What swear words? ;)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 20, 2003 at 02:11 AM

Hey, you never know. Al Qaeda might have snowmobiles, or snow tire, or snow shoes! Devious they are. ;-)

Posted by: Paul at February 20, 2003 at 08:46 AM

I just had my first belly laugh of the day. Thanks, Andrea!!!

I love it..."Terrorists? Bring it on, motherfuckers! I've got a .45 just waiting to be tried out on some raghead--"

Rock on!!

Posted by: Sharon Ferguson at February 20, 2003 at 09:53 AM

Bah, for that old .45! Have you seen the new .50?!? Un freaking believable! I'll have to find that link again.

Posted by: amy at February 20, 2003 at 10:41 AM

Every time I go to Disneyland, someone invariably wonders if it's safe to go since it would be a target. It's as safe as anywhere is these days. And I've heard staffers talking about all the security type classes they have to take, and there's now an Anaheim police presence in the parks themselves. I'm not going to stop doing what I like because of what might maybe happen. You can be vigilant without stopping your life!

Posted by: Ith at February 20, 2003 at 12:00 PM

I sure as fuck ain't gonna go out and get plastic sheeting and duct tape. Yeah. That's really gonna protect me.

Posted by: Denny Wilson at February 20, 2003 at 01:57 PM

Having lived five years in Alaska, I have a lifetime supply of duct tape and plastic sheeting.

Of course, it's all wrapped around my snowmobile, but if it keeps the terrorists from stealing it for a joyride into downtown Atlanta...

Posted by: Kevin McGehee at February 20, 2003 at 03:24 PM

Oh Darn! Maybe I shouldn't have bought that rifle! I need duct tape. Instead of teaching my kids to shoot, I can teach them to tape up terrorists. Wrap a terrorist in duct tape for FREEDOM!

Posted by: Carl Keller at February 20, 2003 at 04:13 PM