February 09, 2003

Meanwhile, on the homefront

We're saved! Saved from the man with the baggie of weed! Thank you, DEA, now I can leave my doors unlocked at night!

Seriously, can we please shut down this goofy Fake War Against Some Drugs? Can't we divert the money used for this Ponzi scheme into some more worthy endeavor, like making sure armed men from an enemy country can't just waltz into my state? Hello, Homeland Security? Is this thing on? (Even if I do welcome defectors from Castroland, I would like them to be noticed by someone in law enforcement before they made it to "Key West's main drag." Har har, Herald writer, no pun intended, I'm so sure.)

Posted by Andrea Harris at February 9, 2003 10:48 PM

I always wonder what would happen if we just said, "Go ahead, put whatever you want in your body."

Would people really run around like monkeys, ODing in the streets? More than they already do?

I wonder what kind of commercials we'd see. "Bolivian Flake, by Johnson & Johnson. No mannitol. Comes with a free mirror."

Being attention deficient and extremely fond of stimulants, I would be strongly tempted to do some shopping. But would I let myself become an addict? Never did when I had prescriptions and could get speed by the jug.

Maybe most of us would be unaffected, except at parties, and the same idiots who poison themselves now would continue doing it, but for less money. Or maybe it would be the end of civilization. But then that's what I said about New Coke.

It would sure be nice to see all those sorry-ass drug dealers working at the drive-thru at Wendy's.

Posted by: Steve H. at February 10, 2003 at 12:58 AM

I call it "thinning the herd."

Posted by: Andrea Harris at February 10, 2003 at 01:16 AM

It's about "rice bowls" now, Andrea. The DEA, like all institutions, has obeyed the dynamic of growth, with the special added features that government agencies always seem to have: no rules, no apologies, and (of course) no refunds. And its thousands of employees are laagered up to defend their perquisites, such that it would take a massive public outcry to blast them loose -- an outcry that will never occur, because no one wants to be called a supporter of intoxication, or drugs.

Now that the local police forces are firmly on their side -- the privilege of imposing "civil asset forfeiture" is such a nice bribe -- there are no institutional opponents to the DEA. We'll need a miracle.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at February 10, 2003 at 07:45 AM