I was going to call this “Glenn Beck transforms into every American girl’s Date From Hell” but I’ll bet you there have to be some Buddy Holly fans across the pond who have tortured their female partners at least once with a five-hour disquisition on the “meaning behind” this overrated song.
However, Beck apparently thinks that it’s not really about Buddy Holly, but about the evils of rioting. And um… okay, I’ll admit that I quit reading the transcript. Because I don’t fucking care. And yes, I was subjected to the lecture, on one of the few “dates” I went on when I was in my twenties. I think there is some unwritten law that every man in North America (and possibly the UK and Ireland) has to bore at least one woman in his life at least once with a long-winded disquisition on Don McLean’s opus. What really irritated me was I already knew all that shit about the song. My friends and I were all pop culture junkies back then and were really into the Sixties, so we — men, hang onto your parts so they don’t fall off — had researched the song all by our ownselves. What can I say, cable tv was still in its infancy and we didn’t have the internet then to distract and entertain us, and they cancelled Manimal at some point so there was nothing on tv to watch. Anyway, I went on this date with this guy, who was nice enough, and we’re hanging out in his house (very chaste, he lived with his parents and it was 1983 or something), and he starts with “do you know what the song ‘American Pie’ really means?” He was one of those guys that don’t really listen to girls when they say “I’m not really interested” so I got to sit there in his parents living room in Hialeah for about two hours while he rambled on and on. In retrospect, I should have just gotten up and walked out in the middle of the part about how “I saw Satan laughing in delight” was all about the Rolling Stones at Altamont and that guy getting stabbed and oh my god kill me now why am I even thinking about this
By the way, my date was of the “‘the day the music died’ meant the death of Buddy Holly” persuasion, which I could never buy because Buddy Holly was in my opinion a rather dull singer with a couple of poppy, forgettable hits that people only keep playing because he died tragically in a plane crash along with a couple of other one-hit wonders we’d never have heard of if they were still alive and getting royalty checks in the old folks home.