A walk around the ‘net

My cat is currently curled up in the very center of my futon, and the antihistamines haven’t gone into effect yet, so you get me rambling on about stuff. In no particular order:

When I first heard about Lang-Lang and that Commie Chinese song brouhaha, the first thing I thought was “WTF? They can’t get the creature to fuck but they can teach it to play the piano? That proves it: the Chinks sent us a gay panda.” Then I read the whole story. So I was close.

Don’t throw your apple peels in the garbage, use them in our stylish containers to nourish your very own baby Shoggoth!

I keep looking at the person off to the right in this photograph, who is mostly out of the picture except from the left shoulder down to the shoe, and wonder what he is doing. I am easily distracted.

This entire post is incomprehensible to me. It might as well be written in Mongolian. No wait — there is a chance that I could actually learn Mongolian if I applied myself. I will never be able to learn football.

Speaking of wastes of time, I read this guy’s site because his writing amuses me. But I kept reading and reading this post and I realized I was looking for something that I wasn’t going to get: the realization of the author that gay pride parades were stupid and the only thing to get upset about them is that for some reason the gay community seems to think gay pride parades are a necessary thing, like oxygen and sofa cushions that “pop.” In fact, most parades are stupid — the only reason to have a parade is to welcome home your military men and women from a successful war. This bullshit of parades every year for everything (eating turkey, drinking crappy beer with green dye in it, the 47th anniversary of the formation of the local garden club, buttsex) is something that should have gone out of style with fake wood-grain toasters and television sets with “vertical hold” buttons. Parades are just a pointless exercise in seeing how much traffic you can tie up; all they do is piss people off. When I am dictatrix of the world one of the things I will abolish is parades — except for military parades after a successful war (I assume there will be a few of these until I have managed to subdue all of Earth to my will), and Shriner parades. Because old men in fezzes driving around in tiny clown cars will never not be awesome.

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8 thoughts on “A walk around the ‘net

  1. Steve Skubinna

    If gays really were “normal,” they’d consider being gay the same way other people think of being left handed, or liking broccoli, or boxers or briefs.

    Which is to say, not at all.

    But pretending that poking Mister Happy up somebody’s Hershey Highway makes you somehow more exquisite, stylish, caring, sensitive, or hip is just stupid. Even more stupid is pretending it is a lifestyle. And most stupid of all is pretending where you poke Mister Happy must encode a prefabricated personality complete with mandatory political and social positions and recreational preferences..

    I’ve never had anyone ask me “How can you be left handed and not support (pet cause here)?” Nobody ever says “You can’t wear briefs and not believe in (idiot faux science fad)! You must be a closeted boxer wearer!” Nobody ever accused me of being brocco-phobic.

    Although life would be more fun if maybe they did. For me anyway. For them, it would suck, unless they were masochists. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

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  3. McGehee

    I keep looking at the person off to the right in this photograph, who is mostly out of the picture except from the left shoulder down to the shoe, and wonder what he is doing.

    Why, he’s tweeting! “Abdel just went all Supes on teh cops. LULZ!”

    1. Steve Skubinna

      Reminds me of the Robert Benchley piece in which he lamented his uncanny ability to focus on the trivial and miss huge Earth shattering events happening around him. He wrote something to the effect that a snapshot of the cataclysmic end of civilization would likely show everyone running around frantically while he stood in the right foreground, bemused by a small flower growing out of a sidewalk crack.

    2. Steve Skubinna

      But who would take the photo of you snapping the flower, Andrea? Now that person wins the oblivious prize.

      Were it not for the fact that I am a continent away from VA I have the uneasy suspicion that it would be me.

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