It turns out that, unlike in the past he wasn’t a Presbyterian, but a Muslim. What an astonishing development! Muslims are usually such quiet, peaceful people who never give anyone any trouble. Just look at the newspapers — you never read anything about troublesome Muslims.

Oh well, it probably had nothing to do with his religion, since we all know that Muslims are firmly of the belief that secular life and religious life should be separate. He was probably just depressed over his Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from the trauma and stress he was experiencing at the thought of all the trauma and stress he would experience in Iraq, where he didn’t want to be deployed because Muslims hate violence and war and stuff. A kind of Pre-Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, if you will.

Next day update: Guy Fawkes Day is being blamed. No, really. Yeah, all those Guy Fawkes bonfires across Texas, and the Muslim’s natural sympathy for the Catholic struggle against the Protestants in 17th century Britain, must have set him off. (Via Kathy Shaidle.)